He also unconsciously expected his father to harshly retaliate for this ursurping of his position, and so developed a deep sense of fear. Contributing to this fear was the knowledge that being his mother's lover would keep him fused and enmeshed with his mother and not allow him to develop a separate sense of identity, which is something all boys strive for instinctually and usually attain. These powerful feelings of fear and guilt became attached to Ariel's sexual urges. Any time he felt attracted to or wanted to have sex with a female, the guilt and fear would be right there screwing him up emotionally and sabotaging his chances for sexual fulfillment. Ariel was also screwed up by the fact that he saw all women as his mother and looked for his mother in all women. Because as a child, he had to be his mother's lover, he could never really be her son and there was a huge void in him from the lack of adequate, nurturing mothering that he sought to fill with sex, and a deep well of. Well, at least she wasn’t the only one procrastinating. Alyx zipped up her duffel bag and jammed it into the locker, hoping she’d be able to remember Locker #57001. She had no idea how they numbered them, as there were no more than two hundred in the entire building. Alyx bounded across the change room, following her coach to the main arena. She was wearing a snow white gi and matching pants, fastened tightly by a black cloth belt she’d earned years ago. Her bare feet made an echoing slap with every step on the floor, but she paid no heed. She clasped her hands behind her back, determined to present the same air of self-confidence and unreadable expression as she did to all the students back at the Academy in Reedsport. The two of them quickly reached a cramped wooden desk, located on the fringes of what was normally a skating arena, covered in tatami mats for the sake of today’s almost-over competition. Hundreds of spectators filled the stadium’s seats,.
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